SO IM PLAYING MOTHER FUCKING MAJORAS MASK FOR THE 3DS AND I’M DOIN’ GOOD, I’M DOIN’ GREAT, HOT DAMN LET’S GO GET THAT SON OF A BITCH STONE TOWER HELL YEAH. I’M PLAYING AND DECIDE THAT BEFORE I GET TOO FAR INTO THE TEMPLE ITSELF THAT I SHOULD PROBABLY SAVE AND RETURN TO DAWN OF THE FIRST DAY LIKE THE GOD DAMN LITTLE SMARTY PANTS THAT I AM, SO I DO JUST THAT. I GO BACK TO STONE TOWER AND I’M LIKE HELL YEAH TAKE MY SWEET FUCKIN’ TIME, LET’S FIND ALL THE ASSHOLE STRAY FAIRIES (I FOUND 13/15 BTW) AND THEN LET’S TURN THIS MOTHER FUCKER UPSIDE DOWN, SAVE, AND DO THE OTHER HALF OF THE TEMPLE. ON MY SEARCH TO GET THE REMAINING TWO STRAY FAIRIES I CAME ACROSS THE BOSS DOOR AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, “HMM…LET’S JUST GET THIS BITCH OUTTA THE WAY REAL QUICK AND THEN I CAN RE-ENTER THE TEMPLE TO GET THE REMAINING TWO FAIRIES. A LITTLE OVER HALF A DAY (WITH FUCKING TIME SLOWED IN HALF, MIND YOU) MIGHT BE CUTTING IT A LITTLE CLOSE, BUT I THINK I’LL BE FINE.” SO I MARCH MY LITTLE GREEN TUNIC ASS IN TO FIGHT THE BOSS. OH, ITS TWO GIANT FUCKIN CENTIPEDE THINGS, OKAY. I HIT THE FIRST ONE WITH ARROWS AND SLASH ITS WEIRD GROSS EYEBALL THING (THAT ALL THE BOSSES HAVE FOR SOME REASON??? LIKE PICK SOMETHING LESS DISGUSTING AND CREEPY, THANKS) AND IT DIES, EASY ENOUGH. THE OTHER ONE SHOULDN’T BE TOO DIFFICULT CONSIDERING I JUST GOT THE GIANT MASK. TRY AGAIN, YOU SON OF A BITCH CAUSE IT’S GOD DAMN IMPOSSIBLE. I’M PUNCHING/ROLLING OVER THE LITTLE BABY ASS CENTIPEDES WHILE TRYING TO DODGE SOME FUCKING FIREBALLS BEING HURLED TOWARD ME BY THE SECOND CENTIPEDE, ALL THE WHILE RUNNING LOW ON MAGIC, HEALTH, AND OVER ALL ENTHUSIASM. I’M DOIN’ GOOD THOUGH, I’M SIDE-STEPPING AND I’M PUNCHING THIS BASTARD AS MANY TIMES AS I POSSIBLY CAN SO THAT I CAN GRAB IT BY IT’S STUPID TAIL, SPIN IT AROUND, THROW IT, AND SLASH IT’S STUPID EYEBALL. I MANAGE TO DO THAT TWICE…ONLY TWICE. WHY? I WISH I KNEW. I HIT THAT SON OF A BITCH MORE THAN ENOUGH TIMES. THE FIVE MINUTE COUNTOWN COMES ON MY SCREEN SO NOW I’M PANICKING TRYING TO KILL THIS THING AS QUICKLY AS I CAN - KNOWING THE LAST TIME I SAVED. APPARENTLY, I DIDN’T DO GOOD ENOUGH BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? THE MOTHER FUCKING MOON CRASHED INTO THE EARTH AND EVERYONE FUCKING DIED AND THAT HAPPY MASK ASSHOLE WENT ALONG WITH HIS ROUTINE BULLSHIT OF, “YOU’VE MET WITH A TERRIBLE FATE HAVEN’T YOU?” HOW FUCKING DARE YOU. YOU SENT A GOD DAMN CHILD WITH A FUCKING LETTER OPENER FOR A SWORD OUT TO GET YOUR MASK THAT YOU FUCKING LOST BECAUSE YOU PROBABLY WEREN’T PAYING ENOUGH GOD DAMN ATTENTION TO YOUR BELONGINGS AND SO A DUMBASS KID STOLE IT BECAUSE HE HAS NO FRIENDS. WHY ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH SHOULD I HELP A CREEPY-ASS DUDE LIKE YOU? BECAUSE OF THIS BASTARD, I WASTED SEVERAL HOURS OF MY LIFE RESCUING STRAY FAIRIES, FIGHTING USELESS BATTLES, AND NOW I HAVE TO DO THAT SHIT ALL OVER AGAIN BECAUSE THE GOD DAMN MOON CRASHED INTO THE FUCKING EARTH AND EVERYONE DIED BECAUSE THEY WEREN’T SMART ENOUGH TO EVACUATE SOON ENOUGH. HAPPY MOTHER FUCKING CARNIVAL, YOUR'E ALL DEAD.
Not that anyone probably really cares, but after Tumblr deletes all its adult content I’m probably gonna delete the app. If you’d like to keep up with how I’m doing you can follow my insta @phillycheeseskank
